By Kelly Bartlett
Many parents use sticker charts in the name of positive discipline. Sticker charts are a popular form of non-punitive discipline, and they do work…to a point. They do allow parents to teach children behaviors like doing chores or exemplifying kindness to others without yelling, spanking, or threatening punishments. But using sticker charts as a way to encourage children to achieve behavioral goals sends a surprising hidden message to kids about behavior.
The appeal of sticker charts is understandable; they provide a quick way to give kids an incentive to work and are seemingly “positive”. It’s easy to say, “When you do [certain tasks] you’ll get a sticker. Remember you’re working towards [a bigger prize], so get those stickers on there.”
While rewards are appealing to children, and they do motivate kids to behave in certain ways, that motivation is not actually aimed at the behavioral goal. External rewards like stickers take away from a child’s internal sense of what’s right. Children aren’t behaving in certain ways because it’s the right thing to do, but instead because they want to earn more stickers. Alfie Kohn, author of Punished by Rewards states, “The more we want our children to want to do something, the more counterproductive it will be to reward them for doing it.”
The intent parents have in using sticker charts is for children to learn challenging behaviors (for example, learning to use the potty or being responsible for household chores). It’s common to think, “We’re teaching our kids to work towards these goals,” when using a sticker chart really says, “We’re teaching our kids to work towards these rewards.” There is a difference between helping kids work toward overcoming challenges and teaching them to work towards a reward for overcoming those challenges. A sticker chart, despite its positive intentions, actually functions against what parents are aiming for.
It’s true that children will grow up to be adults working in a world in which they’ll be rewarded for their work in the form of a paycheck. But isn’t it nice when people know how—and want to—work hard whether or not they get (or despite the size of) a paycheck? This is what parents can teach kids at a young age; to develop their sense of internal motivation to do what’s right simply because it’s right.
Sticker charts also make it easy for kids to opt out of their challenges; to say, “Nah. That’s OK if I don’t get a sticker today.” When, really, appropriate behavior is not an option. It’s an expectation.
What happens when kids don’t care about the stickers anymore? What happens if the reward becomes meaningless? Well, parents could adjust the system so it’s more enticing; require fewer stickers, or make the reward bigger and better. But then they’re exerting their energy into the sticker chart system, not on actually teaching their kids about how to be successful.
In teaching children, parents should be aiming for a deeper sense of self than earning stickers. Helping kids face challenging moments are opportunities for parents and children to connect, communicate, and to relate to each other on an emotional level; with a sticker chart, those are missed opportunities.
It’s the relationship and interactions between parents and children that are the real key to guiding kids to achieve their goals. Using a chart takes away from a child’s sense of pride in their accomplishments. Instead of saying, “I did it, I am capable,” kids are saying, “I did it, I got a sticker,” and they are focused on the sticker, the next sticker, and the reward. In other words, not their personal accomplishment.
Read more here:
http://parentingfromscratch.wordpress.com/2011/07/06/no-more-stickers
